Friday, July 02, 2010

Silver lining

So, don't get me wrong... this sucks. No bones about it, I'd trade it in a heartbeat.
It does provide an interesting perspective.

See, there's an old saying everyone knows... "You don't know what you've got till it's gone".
It was put very well in Fight Club
Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

And, my favourite... Lucky Number Slevin...

The unlucky are nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky. You are unlucky, so I may know that I am not. Unfortunately the lucky never realizes they are lucky until it's too late. Take yourself for instance; yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late. You see? People are never happy with what they have. They want what they had, or what someone else has.

So I am in a unique position.
I know what I have and more so, what I am about to lose. Albeit temporarily and thankfully so.

I can very well right now. My knee is in very good shape, as it needs to be for my operation. I remember the day after my accident when I couldn't even put weight on my leg. I was confined to crutches and felt like quite the invalid. It's a strange place when you have to struggle to put on a sock. I know what that world looks like. I've been there twice. And in just over a week, I'll be there again.

The strange part is I'm looking forward to it.
It's going to suck.
A lot.
But, it's the road back.
I have a thought ringing in my head... "I have the most amazing life... I'm very keen to get back to it". When I'm struggling, this is what keeps me going. And I've not yet even begun to struggle. So I push hard at the gym. And it's very easy to push hard. I want my life back... it's easy to find the will power. Almost too easy sometimes. I have to be careful not to push too hard.

But then there's this interesting spot I'm in.
It's not easy knowing you will struggle to so much as shower. Stairs will be mountains. Temporary fortunately. And here I am now. I'm in good shape. I'm quite mobile... I can even drive a manual car, something I won't be able to do soon. And I'm working on being even stronger.

Going to the gym is easy.
I wonder how long it will take to get back to this level. I know how long it takes to get past it and that's the joy of the small hell I'm about to go through... I get to go past where I am even now.

Odd stuff in this head of mine ;)

1 comment:

pat rooney said...

Well Jim, as I read what you wrote I couldn't help but comment to Dad that what you were thinking is amazingly similar to what I thought right before giving birth. lol How a woman can be so mobil and healthy feeling one day and the next morning be so exhausted and such an invalid. The joy of the baby washing away the painful experience, that is until the kid starts screaming. lol Just kidding, sort of. lol
So we hope you do well, as you did the last time. We are all pulling for you! Loved what you wrote. Dad & Mom